


Happiness: Or: How Shawn Spencer Learned To Love His Best Friendenemy's Girlfriend

by Missy



Category: Psych
Genre: Developing Relationship, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Male Friendship, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-30
Updated: 2011-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn adjusts to Carlton's relationship with Marlowe in his own inimitable style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denial

The blonde in the miniskirt was eating all of his pretzels. Gus tried to give her the stink-eye as he moved through the office, but she went on ignoring him while humming “Teenage Dream” to herself, twirling and untwirling her spiral curl around her middle finger as she flipped through an issue of Cosmo.

When Shawn came through the office door, Gus fairly leapt at him.

“She won’t tell me who she is, but she ate all of my Rolled Gold. ALL of my pretzels, Shawn! I want an explanation, now.”

“Relax, Mister Salty.” He squeezed his best friend’s shoulder and laughed. “If you can’t recognize a woman of the early evening then you’re more naive than I thought.”

Gus glared. “I am NOT naïve.”

Shawn smirked. “Tijuana…”

“That girl looked like an innocent girl working her way through college , Shawn!! ”

Shawn smugly replied, “You still scream when someone brings out a can of erotic whipped cream…”

“Whipped cream shouldn’t be flavored like crème de minthe, Shawn, it’s unnatural!” He stomped his foot. “You’re trying to distract me! Just come on and tell me who she is.”

“Do you want to know what I’m doing?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

Gus shouted “YES!” so loudly that the lady on the couch actually spun about to eye them. Shawn waved her off and pulled Gus closer.

“Lassie’s been so down lately – and Jules won’t stop talking about it – so I went ahead and found him some lovely and moderately-priced company for the night!”

Gus’ expression twisted toward confusion. “He doesn’t need a girlfriend,” Gus said. “He has Marlowe.” He gestured toward the blonde. “Prime rib, Slim Jim!”

“Gus, don’t be DeVoe when you could be Bel or Biv!”

“Biv had one fine-ass solo career,” Gus shook his head. “He won’t take her out, Shawn. You’re going to end up pouting in the office with egg on your face and I’m gonna be stuck holding the handbag of sadness again!”

“You don’t. And it’s a fine handbag! It wears the sequins of eternal optimism.”

“I don’t know what your problem is,” Gus exclaimed. “Marlowe’s a pretty cool girl.”

Shawn paused. “Wait a minute - you’ve talked to her? After she nearly got Lassie killed?”

“If Lassiter can forgive her for that you should too,” he pointed out.

Shawn frowned at the idea. “I don’t know if she’s good enough for our Lassie.”

“…Our Lassie. OUR Lassie, Shawn?”

Shawn clapped Gus on the shoulder. “And since we know what’s best for him, he’ll take our advice and date Lydia and forget all about Marlowe!”

But Shawn’s stripper-related misadventure only earned him one thing.

A black eye from Lassiter.


	2. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn's just a little miffed over that blow Carlton's given him...

“Stupid. Vending. Machine. Give me. My. Dried. Mangos!”

Gus raised an eyebrow as Shawn stormed his way to their makeshift desk at the police station, his eye a livid shade of yellowed purple. “Don’t be cruel to machinery, Shawn. Remember how the Daleks got started?”

“No, I don’t, Gus. Because I’m not a NERD.”

Gus let out an offended, high-pitched gasp at Shawn’s question. Shawn sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Is it still the Lassiter thing?” Shawn didn’t say anything, which was a big enough hint to Gus that something was wrong. “Marlowe’s supposed to get out this afternoon, Shawn; I want you to make a good impression on her.”

Shawn painted on a smile. “Good morning, miss breaker-of-all-hearts…”

“I think she likes Marlowe better,” Gus said.

“She doesn’t get to like anything better!” Shawn pouted. “She broke Lassie’s nose and his heart with equal fervor.”

“You’re starting to creep me out,” Gus complained, grabbing his brown bag. “I’m going to take my milkshake outside before it goes all Slime-In-Ghostbusters II on me.”

Shawn frowned at his retreating friend’s back. “With an attitude like that, you’ll never bring anyone to your yard, Gus!”

Shawn frowned at his retreating friend’s back. “With an attitude like that, you’ll never bring anyone to your yard, Gus!”

That was when Marlowe and Carlton entered the room, holding hands.

“Hey!” He said, reaching out to put his hand on her shoulder.

The next thing he saw was the floor rushing up at him, as Marlowe’s fist collided with his nose.


	3. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Marlowe meet on equal ground.

Shawn’s nose was nearly healed up when he was forced to stop by Marlowe’s desk in reception. It was a shiny Tuesday afternoon, and she looked sheepish when he handed her a couple of signed documents.

“Gus needs your guy to sign off on these search warrants,” he said, shoving a hand into the front pocket of his jeans.

“Mmm hmm,” Marlowe remarks, notarizing the document.

She looked so small and quiet sitting at the desk as she stamped his documents. Shawn felt sorry for her; so incredibly sorry that he started talking just as she looked up and spoke.

She winced. “I didn’t mean to hit you so hard, Shawn.”

“…I forgive you, Marlowe…” he blankly stared at her. “’So hard’?”

“You did hit Carlton, and that was wrong, but hitting you back just made it worse. Could you forgive me?”

“You did hit Carlton, and that was wrong, but hitting you back just made it worse.”

“You’re sorry because you hit me hard?! Not because you bruised my strong, beautifully-sculpted face?”

“You’re whining!”

“You hit me!”

“Shawn, you tried to buy my boyfriend a hooker. I really love Carlton; I just wanted to stand up for him.”

Shawn frowned. “How do I know I can trust you?”

“You can’t. But I love Carlton more than anything, and I swear that ‘ll never hurt him.”

“If you don’t,” Shawn said, “I’ll give you a half-used sheet of puff paint stickers. I’ve been saving them up for a special occasion!”

She shook her head. “I don’t want your stickers. But I promise I won’t hurt him.”

He couldn’t quite believe her.


	4. Depression

“Shawn, get out of bed.”

A moan emanated from beneath the blankets piled high on Shawn’s bed. Juliet rolled her eyes and poked her boyfriend’s toe, causing another groan to reverberate up for her. “Shawn, you’ve been in bed all morning,” she reached for his blanket and pulled it back.

“It’s over, Jules,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes against the back of his hand. “It’s all gone with the breeze rolling from Lassiter’s puffy little lips.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’re punning’s a little off. Do you have the flu?”

He sighed. “Marlowe’s never gonna like me.”

“She likes you, Shawn.”

“No, Jules, she doesn’t. I don’t know why not – I bathe every week and exude the delicious funk of Bubble Yum and party rock.”

“Eww…”

“….But she thinks I’ve thrown a wedge between herself and Lassiter. Sure, I love Lassie as much as he loves shooting things and pretending he’s Dirty Harry, but he likes Marlowe more.”

“She’s his girlfriend.”

“He likes arguing with her more!”

“Shawn, please listen to yourself..”

“…I miss the dulcet tones of his screams. ‘Moron’, he used to call me…”

She yanked the blanket firmly back and stared down into his face. “Remember how Gus reacted when he found out we had gotten together?”

“…He ran through the sprinklers on his front lawn shouting ‘hallelujah, there is a God’.”

“Shawn, you tried to buy Lassiter a hooker, then you tried to give her puff paint stickers – why don’t you try approaching her like an adult would?”

He frowned up at her. “You think I could cleverly disguise myself as an adult?”

“For an hour.”

He shrugged. “Our little Lassie’s a man now, Juliet. I suppose I should man up and try to give. Maybe I’ll invite her to dinner, just the four of us.”

“At my place.”

“Okay.”

“And we’re having wine instead of Kool-Aid.”

“I’m not giving up my pre-dinner Kool-Aid, Juliet. It helps me set the right mood.”

“For dinner at McDonald’s Playland,” she replied.

“Don’t knock their ballpit,” he insisted, yanking her into their bed for a passionate make-out session.


	5. Acceptance

Six months later, Shawn held open Juliet’s door and watched as his fiancé stepped onto the sidewalk. “Are you okay? You don’t need me to hold your ankles?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Shawn, that’s the weirdest and sweetest

“I’d hold your stomach, too.”

“Right over to creepy,” she winced.

“I’m trying,” he smiled. “Look at me, I’m trying Shawn! He comes with special listening-to-his-pregnant fiancé accessories like patience!” Juliet prodded his back, and he winced. “Whatt’re you looking for?”

“Your off button.” She kissed his pouting lips. “Come on,” she instructed. “You want to impress Carlton and Marlowe.”

“No,” he frowned. “I want to dazzle them.”

“Settle for human-shaped,” she suggested gently. Together they rushed up the walkway to meet their new friends.

This time diamond rings –and not closed fists – were exchanged.


End file.
